"Sven"

After breakfast today (and by breakfast I mean a pretty late lunch during which we ate "breakfast foods") my bf announced, "I really hope you find the man you're looking for".  The comment, which came seemingly from out of nowhere, made me turn to him and ask, "What makes you so sure you aren't that man?"

He laughed.

"Because," he said, with patience, "I've listened to you describe for years the kind of man you want and I know I'm not him. Besides, I just want you to be happy."

Now, I feel the need to explain a few things to the readers who don't know me. I'm twenty-seven years old. My bf is six years my senior and we've been together just short of a decade. In that time he's seen me graduate from high school and complete two subsequent university degrees. He's now putting up with my quest for a third (and let's face it, the man deserves a medal for that alone).  In the same amount of time, I've seen him change as well. He's changed careers, he's changed roommates, he's changed living situations.  From time to time he's changed the bedsheets and his clothes. (I do him a disservice; the man loves doing laundry.) Still, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel I'd changed more than him.

Why?

Put simply, because I was a teenager when we met and I had a lot of formative years still ahead of me.   By contrast, he'd been out in the world for a while, dating, living and holding down a real job. Suffice it to say, whatever I thought I wanted or needed at eighteen has been overhauled (and then some) over the past decade.

Now, if we unpack his comment a bit it sounds like a breakup is inevitable, if not immediate, so I'm sure you're all probably asking, "What the heck are you two doing?" (Some of you might also be asking why we aren't married and let me assure you we - not the "royal we" but we as in both of us - have a range of reasons, explanations, theories and excuses in response to that question. But go ahead and ask. :p)

The fact is, our relationship isn't broken. We get along, we have a good time, we fight like there's no tomorrow and we make up in much the same way. I can safely say that my bf is my best friend and he's said that about me, too. It's about as normal as a relationship can be, when you get right down to it.  Having said that, we're both pretty good at facing reality and we don't delude ourselves into thinking that everyone has to believe we're in love 100% of the time.  Moreover, there's a certain freedom that comes with having been together for as long as we have and that includes being honest about our partner's misgivings.

With all of that in mind, my bf said today that he was hoping "Sven" was just around the corner.  Sven, he figures is a pretty sexy name for my as of yet fictitious partner-to-be, and he coupled this with a hideous Swedish/Scandinavian accent simply to drive home the point. (Don't ask me where he comes up with this crap. As far as I know, he doesn't do drugs.) Sven would be, of course, all the things my bf (supposedly) is not, including driven, ambitious, "egregiously wealthy", blonde with a six pack of abs (not beer), a surfboard in one hand and a puppy's leash in the other.  Somewhere along the way I think Sven became Australian....but my bf can't do that accent at all.

"Maybe he'll show up at one of your conferences," the bf says. Of course, I have to laugh at this. Apparently my bf has not attended (m)any academic conferences. I have yet to see a six pack on anybody. That would be a fantasy straight out of one of my Harlequins. But I won't hold my breath.

I'm not sure whether it's good for my bf to be thinking he isn't the man of my dreams. Being a realist is one thing, being a pessimist is another and I'd hate to think we were dragging out the inevitable.  Besides, I'm pretty sure Sven, for all of his Armani couture and fluency in four languages, can't make the best mashed potatoes ever, wouldn't encourage the stuffed animals in my condo to go on nighttime missions and probably wouldn't find me pretending to be a robot cute/sexy/funny. He probably wouldn't challenge me to beat him at video games and probably wouldn't be all that interested in stomping through puddles at the park looking at random dogs.

Just sayin'.



P.S. That first guy couldn't be any less of a "Sven", now could he?!

Photo credit: Toomas