Cheaters, cheaters and more cheaters... (Did you ever watch that show?)

As a result of SNL this weekend, in which Tina Fey roundly criticized "Bombshell" McGee, the other party in the Jesse James affair, the bf and I got into a spirited debate.  I was of two minds after Fey's tirade in which she attempted to convey her support for jilted women everywhere by arguing that they shouldn't feel bad since "these" (reference to McGee) are the kinds of women they have to contend with taking their men.

Her points are well taken, I suppose, but I (and I will admit that I am a huge Sandra Bullock fan), have a hard time buying Fey's claim of celebrating womanhood while simultaneously calling any woman a whore, skank or slut, regardless of their actions. However well intentioned Fey's remarks might have been (Kristen Wiig donned a "Team Bullock" t-shirt), I'm rubbed the wrong way when a woman chooses to defame another woman - for any reason. Surely there was another way to show support for Bullock in this situation?

The bf's contention (if I understood him correctly) was that Fey could have easily criticized Jesse James instead (or even simultaneously) but that she deliberately chose to focus on McGee, calling her out on the basis of a lack of morality. But as much as I hate to see "Sandy" hurt by all of this, I'm forced to acknowledge that morality is a socially constructed concept that is not universal.  Moreover, (and the boyfriend totally disagrees with me on this), I don't feel that McGee has any obligation to uphold the vows entered into by either James or Bullock. Marriage is a social contract, engaged by two people. Not two people and the rest of the world - especially with the diminished role of the Church in articulating marital values.  Is it the rest of society's responsibility to keep James' John in his pants?  Whatever touchy-feely notions we have about the "rules" by which marriages (or even relationships) are governed, I am not convinced that this amounts to any obligation on society's part.  At best it is an expectation (realistic or otherwise) that others outside of the relationship will respect the confines by which the relationship (particular) operates. But to say that society articulates the parameters of that relationship? I'm just not buying it.

(As an aside, I had a conversation a few months back with a few relatives who were "gently" trying to get me to "see the light" where marriage was concerned, suggesting that relationships - marriages - that occur in performance - weddings - in front of family members and friends, are strengthened by the collective. Further to this is the notion that collective efforts are made to ensure the sanctity and longevity of the relationship. This argument really doesn't work for me, for a host of reasons, the least of which is the fact that most people don't know the details of a couple's relationship enough to put in any more than a token degree of effort. More often than not, intervention on behalf of "society" often results in dismal failures all round. But I digress...)

I will admit... most days I am not entirely sure where I stand on cheating. I don't do open relationships (read: have never done open relationships) and I've never cheated (by any of the definitions we're assuming in use here). But I do subscribe to the theory that life is short and, by extension, I am forced to acknowledge that as a result, people are inherently programmed to maximize their gain in a minimal amount of time.  On top of that, I typically feel that monogamy is also socially constructed, especially with indications of successfully functional polygamous/polyamorous societies throughout time. Maybe cheating is just the "logical" course of action for a species that does not want to die out.

What say you? Who would you hold responsible? To what degree?

1. The cheater in the relationship
2. The cheater outside of the relationship
3. The cheater outside of the relationship (who doesn't know that Party A is married or otherwise involved)
4. Both, equally
5. Neither, equally

While I find it hard to absolve McGee of culpability in this instance, it's fairly easy to assume that had it not been her, it would have been someone else, if that was what James wanted. That just seems to be the way "cheating" works.

...Suffice it to say, between Tiger and Jesse, the conversations in our house have been numerous! :P

All that said, I have nothing but love for Sandra Bullock, abhor celebrity gossip, and must apologize for using this unfortunate story to extrapolate a larger discussion about relationships in general.